I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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