I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
