saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
