Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize