Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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