he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
