are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
