It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
