I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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