I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
