i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize