I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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