My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
