I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
