have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I want a musical about memes.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize