marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
