oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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