Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize