i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
