Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
