You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
