how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just found a bag of teeth...
What a dumb baby whore.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
