is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
