Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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