I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
