I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
