I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
