it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You may now shotgun with the bride
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
