I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
