its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
