I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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