Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
