at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
im on a boat
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