Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
