Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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