They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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