omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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