my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
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