Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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