is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
