Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
