i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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