I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
