so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
