I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
