If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
