So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
