as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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