I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
