Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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