Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Randomize
