I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
