how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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