Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
