My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
