this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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