My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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