We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
