the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
