He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
