Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
