Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
