If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
