mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
