When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
