I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
