someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
